So remember how the Punisher got attacked by a bunch of guys in prison, and had his face cut up by Jigsaw? And remember how he escaped from prison and found an off-the-books doctor to fix his face, but asked that they change his appearance so that he could remain under the radar?
And remember that the doctor decided the best bet was to somehow make him a black man?
Yeah, the doctor performs an experimental surgery that somehow changes his skin color and facial structure so he looks like an African American. He teams up with Luke Cage, who has no idea he’s the Punisher, and they beat the bad guys. Then Frank goes back to being white.
WHAT THE FUCK?
So Maximum Carnage is drawing to what promises to be an epic conclusion. Spider-Man and his numerous allies have been run ragged fighting Carnage and his band of murdering psychopaths for days, and the final confrontation is drawing to a close. How are the good guys possibly going to stop this maniac from continuing to slaughter the citizens of New York? Will Firestar use her flame powers to kill Carnage? Will Cloak and Dagger do something awesome to get back at the bad guys for what they’ve been through? Will Captain America or Iron Fist or Deathlok pull something out of their hat at the last second? Or will Venom or Spider-Man overwhelm Carnage with the pure rage and frustrations they’ve been under?
Nope. Love ray.
…What the fuck?
The heroes get a gun that was designed at Rand Industries that literally overwhelms the hatred the bad guys feel with love and compassion. It drives them crazy and makes them see the horror they’ve caused. They feel bad and surrender (except Carnage, but it hits him right in the feels, too). I can’t make this up. I would never make something so stupid up.
What a fucking stupid idea. What the fuck.
What the- aw, come on, guys. Seriously?
I know your budget was like $3.57, but THIS is the best you could do?
There was a time at the turn of the century when Marvel just didn’t know what to do with the Punisher.
The most straight forward, uncomplicated character they have, and they couldn’t figure it out. So what did they do? They killed him, had angels resurrect him with demon sight (he could see demons) and sprit guns that could kill said demons.
This actually happened.
What the fuck?
“Please, Superman, we’re dying! Even a little bit of water in this dirty can of dog food!”
“Superman, it’s me, Lois! I love you! You’re letting us die of thirst! There’s literally water right behind you!”
“Nope. Nobody gets a drop. I’m a hero.”
What the fuck, Superman?
What the fuck is happening here?
It’s not that it’s just so crazy- I mean, look at all the crap in the background!- but it’s that I imagine he stopped being Superman all of five seconds ago and already there’s fires, a plane crash, murder, and a train derailment, all AT THE SAME TIME and all ON THE SAME STREET.
And then there’s Supes and Lois, strolling down the street without a care in the world.
I can’t help but have the song “Best Friend” in my head as I picture this happening.
What the fuck, Superman?
Godzilla: King of Monsters, Punk on the Basketball Court
Who would have guessed that after triumphing over threats like Mothra, Gigan, and King Ghidorrah that all it took to defeat the terrible Godzilla was a super sized Charles Barkley?? Not even Michael Jordan, or Magic Johnson, but Charles Barkley.
I’m at a loss for words, other than “what the fuck?”