WTF Moments 18

I promise, I’m not trying to establish a trend here with these, but… I couldn’t not post this… it’s just… so…

WHAT THE FUCK??!!!

Action Comics #457...

WHAT THE-?!

Are those banjos playing in the background I hear? Dear GOD! Look away Jimmy Olsen! Oh gawd look away!!! Nooooooooooo….

Seriously peoples, who thought this was a good idea for a cover?

Apparently cover artist Bob Oksner didn’t realize the power of implied narrative when he designed Action Comics #457 … or maybe it’s just society has ruined our perceptions of an innocent comic book cover… Nope, Wertham was right all along, we’re all doomed fucked. (no-pun-intended)

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WTF Moments 16

Batman: "Quiet or Papa Spank!"

Believe it or not, that is a real panel from Batman Issue #1 – where he first ‘faces off’ with Catwoman. He’s actually wiping off her makeup disguise Scooby Doo style, after uncovering her heist attempt, but from this angle it certainly looks like he’s drugging her, prior to dragging her back to the Bat Cave. Luckily for the ladies of Gotham, (and our already shattered psyches) The Batman has since toned down his borderline rapey qualities…

X-Men Crossovers Part 6

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Fatal Attractions

Took place in:  X-factor 92, X-force 25, Uncanny X-men 304, X-men 25, Wolverine 75, Excalibur 71

Written by: Scott Lobdell (Uncanny X-men, X-factor, Excalibur), Fabian Nicieza (X-men, X-force), Larry Hama (Wolverine)

Art by: Joe Quesada (X-factor), Greg Capullo (X-force), John Romita JR (Uncanny X-men), Andy Kubert (X-men), Adam Kubert (Wolverine), Ken Lashley (Excalibur)

Characters involved: Magneto, Exodus, Fabian Cortez (Acolytes), Havok, Polaris, Random, Quicksilver, Wolfsbane, Multiple Man, Strong Guy (X-Factor), Shadowcat, Phoenix, Nightcrawler (Excalibur), Cable, Cannonball, Boom Boom, Rictor, Sunspot, Warpath, Shatterstar, Feral (X-Force), Professor X, Cyclops, Storm, Jean Grey, Beast, Iceman, Archangel, Wolverine, Colossus, Bishop, Gambit, Rogue, Jubilee, Psylocke (X-Men)

Story: Unlike the last few crossovers, Fatal Attractions is really just a series of events in each title, much like Mutant Massacre. In other words, you don’t need to read any of the other chapters to follow the story in the book you were already reading.

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Top 10 Marvel Events

Over the last few years in particular but really going back all the way to Secret Wars, Marvel has made a habit of telling huge, earth-shattering crossovers. Some are great, and some are… not so great (looking at you Secret Wars II!). However, when they’re good, they’re GOOD. Here is a list of my 10 favorite Marvel events.

 

10. Fear Itself

fear itselfProbably one of the less popular on the list, but you have to admit that Fear Itself really swings for the fences.

The story centers on the return of The Serpent, the Asgardian God of Fear and Odin’s older brother (and by Asgardian law the true All-Father). This dude feeds off of fear, so the more afraid people are in general the stronger he gets. Not such a great combination when you see how he goes about spreading fear.

He is resurrected by the Red Skull (not Schmidt, but his daughter, Sin, the ‘new’ Red Skull), who finds an ancient Asgardian hammer that was created by the Serpent ages ago. When she grabs the hammer she is transformed into an avatar of the Serprent, and gets crazy, Thor level strong. Her awakening frees the Serpent, and a bunch more hammers drop to Earth, and are eventually grabbed by Atuma, the Absorbing Man, Titania, the Grey Gargoyle, the Thing, the Juggernaut, and the fucking Hulk! Each one of them loses their personalities in the hammers and basically do whatever they can to spread fear around the world, mostly by destroying every damn thing in sight.

The Avengers respond, and spread themselves perilously thin to combat the menaces. The Red Hulk is trounced by the Thing; Hawkeye, Spider-Woman, the Protector, and Ms. Marvel BARELY survive the Hulk, and just manage to save some people from him before he jumps away; the Grey Gargoyle turns every person in Paris into a statue and beats the holy living shit out of Iron Man; Titania and the Absorbing Man throw down with War Machine, Iron First, and the Immortal Weapons; Dr. Strange and Namor confront Atuma; and the X-Men are only able to ‘defeat’ the Juggernaut when Colossus agrees to become the new Juggernaut when he meets the demon Cytorrak (who grants the Juggernaut his powers pre-hammer)! Finally the Red Skull leads and army of her Hydra bastards to Washington, DC where they lay siege to the city, and she claims her greatest victory when she stabs Captain America (at the time Bucky Barnes) through the chest!

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Poor Bucky just can’t stop ‘dying’.

The destruction they cause spreads panic and fear everywhere, especially when Avengers Tower falls. This makes the Serpent strong and young again, and he basically takes over the Earth.

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X-Men Crossovers Part 5

X-Cutioner’s Song

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Took place in: Uncanny X-men 294-296, X-factor 84-86, X-men 14-16, X-force 16-18

Written by: Peter David (X-Factor), Scott Lobdell (Uncanny X-Men), Fabian Nicieza (X-Men, X-Force)

Art By: Jae Lee (X-factor), Brandon Peterson (Uncanny X-men), Andy Kubert (X-men), Greg Capullo (X-force)

Characters Involved: Havok, Polaris, Multiple Man, Wolfsbane, Quicksilver, Strong Guy (X-Factor), Cannonball, Sunspot, Boom Boom, Rictor, Shatterstar, Feral, Warpath (X-Force), Storm, Iceman, Archangel, Jean Grey, Bishop, Cyclops, Wolverine, Beast, Jubilee, Gambit, Rogue, Psylocke (X-Men), Cable, Apocalypse, Sinister, Stryfe

imagesStory: Hoo boy. This story is 1990’s X-Men at its peak, for better or worse. If, like me, you were reading all 4 of the titles involved in this crossover, then this was awesome. But if you were a causal fan, or just reading one or two of the books, this was a damn disaster. The story begins in Central Park, at a free concert by mutant musician Lila Cheney. At one point in the concert there is a break, and Professor X gives a speech about tolerance and how mutants are just like normal people, blah blah. Attending the concert are Storm, Bishop, Rogue, and a disguised Archangel. So a woman that can control the weather with her thoughts, a time-displaced militant mutant with the ability to shoot lazers from his hands, a woman that can kill you with a touch, and a flying cutlery drawer. Yeah, they’re just like us, Charles.

Sadly for the Professor, he is suddenly shot in the chest by what appears to be Cable! Before the X-Men can react he teleports out, leaving Charles for dead. This stuns the mutant world, as Cable has been affiliated with X-Force and before that the New Mutants, and is part of the X-family, albeit not directly. This ESPECIALLY stuns X-Force, who have not seen Cable in months and a) can’t believe what he’s done, and b) know that they’re going to be everyone’s first stop on the ass beating train.

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