Top 100 Heroes: 40-31

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The age old questions of comic fans: Batman or Superman? Spider-Man or Wolverine? The debates about the best heroes are endless. We tried to make a top 10 list, but that was just too hard. So we tried a top 25, but that quickly became a top 50… you get the idea. So we were able to ‘narrow’ it down to an even 100. Odds are you will vehemently disagree with who did or did not make the list, or just the order that we placed them. But, hey, it’s our list.

(Honorable mentions to Beta Ray Bill, USAgent, Martian Manhunter, Kid Flash, Hercules, The Frenchman and the Female (the Boys), Abe Sapien, Spider-Man 2099, Static Shock, Nite Owl, Guy Gardner, Booster Gold, Spawn, Atom Eve, Mary Marvel, and a hell of a lot more. So many more we could- and may- do another whole 100 list!)

We will release these in installments of 10 so that you don’t have the longest list ever to read through. Agree with the placement or who made the list? Disagree with the burning power of a thousand suns? Let us know! Enjoy!

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WTF Moments 47

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So remember how the Punisher got attacked by a bunch of guys in prison, and had his face cut up by Jigsaw? And remember how he escaped from prison and found an off-the-books doctor to fix his face, but asked that they change his appearance so that he could remain under the radar?

And remember that the doctor decided the best bet was to somehow make him a black man?

Wait, what?

Yeah, the doctor performs an experimental surgery that somehow changes his skin color and facial structure so he looks like an African American. He teams up with Luke Cage, who has no idea he’s the Punisher, and they beat the bad guys. Then Frank goes back to being white.

WHAT THE FUCK?

WTF Moments 46

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So Maximum Carnage is drawing to what promises to be an epic conclusion. Spider-Man and his numerous allies have been run ragged fighting Carnage and his band of murdering psychopaths for days, and the final confrontation is drawing to a close. How are the good guys possibly going to stop this maniac from continuing to slaughter the citizens of New York? Will Firestar use her flame powers to kill Carnage? Will Cloak and Dagger do something awesome to get back at the bad guys for what they’ve been through? Will Captain America or Iron Fist or Deathlok pull something out of their hat at the last second? Or will Venom or Spider-Man overwhelm Carnage with the pure rage and frustrations they’ve been under?

Nope. Love ray.

…What the fuck?

The heroes get a gun that was designed at Rand Industries that literally overwhelms the hatred the bad guys feel with love and compassion. It drives them crazy and makes them see the horror they’ve caused. They feel bad and surrender (except Carnage, but it hits him right in the feels, too). I can’t make this up. I would never make something so stupid up.

What a fucking stupid idea. What the fuck.

WTF Moments 44

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There was a time at the turn of the century when Marvel just didn’t know what to do with the Punisher.

The most straight forward, uncomplicated character they have, and they couldn’t figure it out. So what did they do? They killed him, had angels resurrect him with demon sight (he could see demons) and sprit guns that could kill said demons.

This actually happened.

What the fuck?

X-Men Crossovers Part 9

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Messiah Complex

Took Place In: Messiah Complex 1, Uncanny X-Men 492-494, X-Factor 25-27, New X-Men 44-46, X-Men 205-207

Written By: Ed Brubaker (Messiah Complex, Uncanny X-Men), Mike Carey (X-Men), Peter David (X-Factor), Craig Kyle and Chris Yost (New X-Men)

Art By: Marc Silvestri (Messiah Complex), Billy Tan (Uncanny X-Men), Scott Eaton (X-Factor), Humberto Ramos (New X-Men), Chris Bachalo (X-Men)

Characters Involved: Cyclops, Emma Frost, Archangel, Nightcrawler, Colossus, Storm, Beast, Bishop, Caliban, Hepzibah, Rogue, Professor X, Warpath, Wolverine (X-Men), Multiple Man, Layla Miller, M, Rictor, Siryn, Strong Guy, Wolfsbane (X-Factor), Anole, Armor, Dust, Elixir, Gentle, Hellion, Indra, Mercury, Pixie, Prodigy, Rockslide, Stepford Cuckoos, Surge, Trance, Wolf Cub, X-23 (New X-Men), Arclight, Blockbuster, Gambit, Harpoon, Lady Mastermind, Mystique, Omega Sentinel, Prism, Riptide, Scalphunter, Sunfire, Scrambler, Vertigo (Marauders), Exodus, Frenzy, Gargouille, Neophyte, Projector, Random, Tempo, Unuscione, Vindaloo, Amelia Vought (Acolytes), Sinister, Predator X, Reverand Rissman, Purifiers, Lady Deathstrike, Reavers, Hope Summers, Cable, Forge

Story: This story, the first inter-title crossover from the X books in years, spins out of the events of the House of M storyline, in which the Scarlet Witch uses her reality warping abilities to de-power 98% of the mutant population.

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WTF Moments 39

Probably the biggest WTF?! moment of the last 15 years from the big 2:

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So Spidey is frantically trying to save his Aunt May from a gunshot wound, and aaallll of the baddest badass scientists in the Marvel Universe, from guys like Iron Man, Mr. Fantastic, Dr. Strange, etc to maniacs like Dr. Doom and Dr. Octopus, are all like “she’s old, AND got shot? Wow, that’s beyond me, sorry, can’t help you. Now to invent some crazy shit that tears dimensional walls/travels through time/turns regular people into superhumans/steals memories/whatever”.

So then the ‘devil’, Mephisto, shows up and is like “I’ll help her, but in return I want your marriage, because….. well…. um… because the story demands that’s what I want so Spider-Man can be young and single again”.

What the fuck?

The story was so bad that the writer, J Michael Straczinski, dropped off of the book and asked that his name be removed from the story.

WTF Moments 33

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Of all of the Marvel characters, the 1990’s were probably the least kind to Spider-Man. A character known for crazy villains, impossible odds, and generally having fun titles, the 90’s saw Spider-Man devolve into convoluted storylines, grim and gritty unnecessary re-imaginings, and two of the most ridiculous plot twists ever. The most well known was the reveal that the Peter Parker we had been reading about for the previous 30 something years was, in fact, a clone, and that the original was back with a horrible costume, horrible super hero name, new identity, and bleached blonde hair. The clone saga nearly killed Spider-Man forever, and became the face of everything that was wrong with Marvel comics at the time.

However, before that mess even began, there was another ridiculous plot twist. Peter’s parents, who had been dead since years before Amazing Fantasy #15 (!!) were, in fact, ALIVE! They had just been in a Russian prison camp this whole time! Derp!

The writers had no idea where this story was going, as it was one of those ‘editorial decisions’ that nobody seemed to have any faith in, or any interest in doing. So after a year or two, the next big reveal came about: they weren’t really his parents, but eeeeeevil robots sent by the Chameleon to discover Spider-Man’s secret identity by getting close to his photographer, Peter Parker! Or something.

I mean, just look at this shit:

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WTF Moments 31

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“I have feasted on the nectars of the wild fruit in the land of the Norns.

I have dined in the exalted halls of the Godly Realms.

This day, I am offered a creamsicle.”

What the fuck, guys, seriously? A creamsicle? Look at Thor’s face, he knows how shafted he just got.

The next page is probably like “And with that, Thor departed Midgard, returning only to raze it to ashes and spread salt across the planet, so nothing could grow evermore. Alas, the mortals should not have e’er bequeathed a craemsicle upon him.”