Here’s a look back at some highlights from my previous posts this year… — Erik
There was a time at the turn of the century when Marvel just didn’t know what to do with the Punisher.
The most straight forward, uncomplicated character they have, and they couldn’t figure it out. So what did they do? They killed him, had angels resurrect him with demon sight (he could see demons) and sprit guns that could kill said demons.
This actually happened.
What the fuck?
Previously on “All Ur Movies Are Belong To Us!”…
Directed By: Jeannot Szwarc
Starring: Helen Slater (Supergirl), Faye Dunaway (Selena), Peter O’Toole (Zaltar), Hart Bochner (Ethan), Mia Farrow (Alura), Brenda Vaccaro (Bianca), Peter Cook (Nigel), Simon Ward (Zor-El), Marc McClure (Jimmy Olsen), Maureen Teefy (Lucy Lane)
Plot: Supergirl does stuff and… it’s just so bad. I can’t.
We discussed the surprisingly solid “Superman: The Movie” and it’s inferior sequel, Richard Lester’s “Superman 2” (and it’s much, much better alternate Richard Donner cut) here in Part One. I suggest reading that before diving into hell here, if for no other reason than to remind yourself that Superman movies can be fun, if not outright good, because these two train wrecks will do everything they can to prove that statement wrong…
Superman III (1983)
Directed by: Richard Lester
Starring: Christopher Reeve (Clark Kent / Kal-El / Superman / Evil Superman?), Richard Pryor?! (Gus Gorman / low-budget Brainiac?), Annette O’Toole (Lana Lang), Robert Vaughn (
Lex Luthor Ross Webster), Jackie Cooper (Perry White), Marc McClure (Jimmy Olsen), and Margot Kidder (Lois Lane – cameo).
Plot: Webscoe (really?) CEO, Ross “I’m not Lex Luthor!” Webster, blackmails Gus “I’m Richard Pryor!” Gorman to help him use his computer to take over the world or some stupid shit that’s not worth mentioning, and to use a “weather satellite” to somehow (?) decimate the coffee crops in Colombia so he can monopolize the coffee market… I promise, I’m not making this up. Superman reunites with his ex-girlfriend Lana Lang while on a trip home to Smallville, and while there is exposed to a weird off-brand form of Kryptonite that makes him a huge asshole, going around straightening the leaning tower of Pisa and blowing out the Olympic flame (what a dick) before going on a drinking binge (what?). Superman splits into two personas: Dickhead Superman and Morally Righteous Superman. Mr. Moral beats Mr. Dick, the regular Superman is back, and beats the bad guys. Audiences wiped away the blood coming from their noses.
Took Place In: Messiah Complex 1, Uncanny X-Men 492-494, X-Factor 25-27, New X-Men 44-46, X-Men 205-207
Written By: Ed Brubaker (Messiah Complex, Uncanny X-Men), Mike Carey (X-Men), Peter David (X-Factor), Craig Kyle and Chris Yost (New X-Men)
Art By: Marc Silvestri (Messiah Complex), Billy Tan (Uncanny X-Men), Scott Eaton (X-Factor), Humberto Ramos (New X-Men), Chris Bachalo (X-Men)
Characters Involved: Cyclops, Emma Frost, Archangel, Nightcrawler, Colossus, Storm, Beast, Bishop, Caliban, Hepzibah, Rogue, Professor X, Warpath, Wolverine (X-Men), Multiple Man, Layla Miller, M, Rictor, Siryn, Strong Guy, Wolfsbane (X-Factor), Anole, Armor, Dust, Elixir, Gentle, Hellion, Indra, Mercury, Pixie, Prodigy, Rockslide, Stepford Cuckoos, Surge, Trance, Wolf Cub, X-23 (New X-Men), Arclight, Blockbuster, Gambit, Harpoon, Lady Mastermind, Mystique, Omega Sentinel, Prism, Riptide, Scalphunter, Sunfire, Scrambler, Vertigo (Marauders), Exodus, Frenzy, Gargouille, Neophyte, Projector, Random, Tempo, Unuscione, Vindaloo, Amelia Vought (Acolytes), Sinister, Predator X, Reverand Rissman, Purifiers, Lady Deathstrike, Reavers, Hope Summers, Cable, Forge
Story: This story, the first inter-title crossover from the X books in years, spins out of the events of the House of M storyline, in which the Scarlet Witch uses her reality warping abilities to de-power 98% of the mutant population.