WTF Moments 46

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So Maximum Carnage is drawing to what promises to be an epic conclusion. Spider-Man and his numerous allies have been run ragged fighting Carnage and his band of murdering psychopaths for days, and the final confrontation is drawing to a close. How are the good guys possibly going to stop this maniac from continuing to slaughter the citizens of New York? Will Firestar use her flame powers to kill Carnage? Will Cloak and Dagger do something awesome to get back at the bad guys for what they’ve been through? Will Captain America or Iron Fist or Deathlok pull something out of their hat at the last second? Or will Venom or Spider-Man overwhelm Carnage with the pure rage and frustrations they’ve been under?

Nope. Love ray.

…What the fuck?

The heroes get a gun that was designed at Rand Industries that literally overwhelms the hatred the bad guys feel with love and compassion. It drives them crazy and makes them see the horror they’ve caused. They feel bad and surrender (except Carnage, but it hits him right in the feels, too). I can’t make this up. I would never make something so stupid up.

What a fucking stupid idea. What the fuck.

WTF Moments 39

Probably the biggest WTF?! moment of the last 15 years from the big 2:

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So Spidey is frantically trying to save his Aunt May from a gunshot wound, and aaallll of the baddest badass scientists in the Marvel Universe, from guys like Iron Man, Mr. Fantastic, Dr. Strange, etc to maniacs like Dr. Doom and Dr. Octopus, are all like “she’s old, AND got shot? Wow, that’s beyond me, sorry, can’t help you. Now to invent some crazy shit that tears dimensional walls/travels through time/turns regular people into superhumans/steals memories/whatever”.

So then the ‘devil’, Mephisto, shows up and is like “I’ll help her, but in return I want your marriage, because….. well…. um… because the story demands that’s what I want so Spider-Man can be young and single again”.

What the fuck?

The story was so bad that the writer, J Michael Straczinski, dropped off of the book and asked that his name be removed from the story.

The …um… other Spider-man Movies! (Part Two)

So we covered the flawed, yet still pretty awesome, trilogy of Spider-Man films here, and while there was still plenty of room for stories to tell with the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man and the universe Sam Raimi crafted, Sony Pictures decided that Spider-Man 3 was to be the last installment in the series. They rebooted the franchise, and drafted director Marc Webb (kind of ironic) and cast Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man for the new series. The new franchise improved on the work the previous group did in a lot of ways, most notably casting and effects, and had some missteps of their own, which we will try to cover below.

Amazing Spider-man poster

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN (2012)

Directed by: Marc Webb

Starring: Andrew Garfield (Peter Parker / Spider-man), Emma Stone (Gwen Stacy), Rhys Ifans (Dr. Curt Connors / The Lizard), Dennis Leary (Captain Stacy), Martin Sheen (Uncle Ben), Sally Field (Aunt May), and Chris Zylka (Flash Thompson)

Plot: Peter Parker is bit by a genetically modified spider gaining the proportionate strength and agility of a human spider. When his Uncle Ben is killed by a robber he could have stopped, he learns that ‘with great power must come great responsibility’. Now, as Spider-Man he must battle the monstrous Lizard to save the people of New York, and as Peter Parker explore his new relationship with Gwen Stacy while working with Dr. Curt Connors to learn more about the mysterious death of his parents and his father’s work they may have been killed for.

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The Greatest/Worst WTF Ever

There have been a lot (A LOT) of ‘what the fuck??!?’ moments in comic book history, especially when it comes to the super heroes of Marvel and DC Comics. But there is one project that, from top to bottom, just makes you want to scream it from the rooftops. No, I’m not talking about Final Crisis, or One More Day, or even Zero Hour or Heroes Reborn.

I’m talking about Amalgam.

SIGH

SIGH

Yeah, we’re going there.

In the late 1990’s Marvel and DC were hurting. The speculator boom of the early part of the decade caused the industry to collapse on itself, and both companies were scrambling for direction and for ways to bring their lapsed readers back, not to mention brining new readers in. They resorted to some really bad crossovers, notably Marvel VS DC, which saw fights like Flash vs Quicksilver, Green Lantern vs Silver Surfer, Lobo vs Wolverine (sort of), Batman vs Captain America, and others. To say it sucked is an insult to all things that suck.

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But they weren’t done.

On the heels of that they unleashed the Amalgam universe, which was presented by both companies (neither of you get a pass!) and featured combinations of their characters, so you had Batman and Wolverine combined to make the ridiculous “Dark Claw”, and other nonsense.

I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do is suck!

I’m the best there is at what I do, and what I do is suck!

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The Amazing Spider-Movies! – Part One

Tobey Maguire / Andrew Garfield

Check out our Podcast Episode on ranking the Spider-man movies here!

Because you demanded it, we’re back with more breakdowns of the super hero movies you love, hate, and love to hate! Last time we covered the terrifying highs and gut wrenching, suicide inducing lows of the Batman franchise. This time we’re going with something a bit lighter, the Sam Raimi and Marc Webb Spider-Man franchises. That’s right, five movies of web slinging, cool villains, not so cool villains, great character moments, horrible character misfires, great casting, worst case scenario casting, all of it. From Raimi to Webb, Dunst/Howard to Stone, Maguire to Garfield, we’ll cover it all.

First up, the one that started it all, and really kicked the super hero movie craze of the early 21st century into gear…

Spider-man Movie Poster

Spider-man (2002)

Directed by: Sam Raimi

Starring: Tobey Maguire (Peter Parker/Spider-Man), Willem Dafoe (Norman Osborn/The Green Goblin), Kirsten Dunst (Mary Jane Watson), James Franco (Harry Osborn), Cliff Robertson (Uncle Ben), Rosemary Harris (Aunt May), J. K. Simmons (J. Jonah Jameson), Joe Manganiello (Flash Thompson), Elizabeth Banks (Betty Brant), and Bruce Campbell

Plot: Peter Parker is bit by a genetically modified spider gaining the proportionate strength and agility of a human spider. After his Uncle Ben is killed by a car jacker and he learns the killer is a man he could have stopped before, he tragically learns the lesson ‘with great power must also come great responsibility’. Now, as Spider-Man, he tries to balance fighting crime and the new menace of the Green Goblin with his personal life, which includes his now widowed Aunt May, his best friend (and son of his new enemy) Harry Osborn, and the girl he loves, Mary Jane Watson, as well as a new job taking pictures for J Jonah Jameson and the Daily Bugle.

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WTF Moments 33

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Of all of the Marvel characters, the 1990’s were probably the least kind to Spider-Man. A character known for crazy villains, impossible odds, and generally having fun titles, the 90’s saw Spider-Man devolve into convoluted storylines, grim and gritty unnecessary re-imaginings, and two of the most ridiculous plot twists ever. The most well known was the reveal that the Peter Parker we had been reading about for the previous 30 something years was, in fact, a clone, and that the original was back with a horrible costume, horrible super hero name, new identity, and bleached blonde hair. The clone saga nearly killed Spider-Man forever, and became the face of everything that was wrong with Marvel comics at the time.

However, before that mess even began, there was another ridiculous plot twist. Peter’s parents, who had been dead since years before Amazing Fantasy #15 (!!) were, in fact, ALIVE! They had just been in a Russian prison camp this whole time! Derp!

The writers had no idea where this story was going, as it was one of those ‘editorial decisions’ that nobody seemed to have any faith in, or any interest in doing. So after a year or two, the next big reveal came about: they weren’t really his parents, but eeeeeevil robots sent by the Chameleon to discover Spider-Man’s secret identity by getting close to his photographer, Peter Parker! Or something.

I mean, just look at this shit:

untitledsWhat the fuck?

Underrated Creator Runs- Marvel part 3

In part 1 I covered the horribly underrated Avengers run by Geoff Johns, and in part 2 I covered Ed Brubaker’s fantastic run on Daredevil.

Today I am going to briefly go over a run that really went under the radar, and it’s too bad because it was awesome, and that’s Rick Remender’s Venom.

Flash Thompson: Venom

Flash Thompson: Venom

While he gained popularity with runs on books like Uncanny X-Force (so good), Secret Avengers (soo good), and more recently Uncanny Avengers (sooooo good), Remender really got my attention with Venom.

Starting in the 90’s, Venom’s popularity rivaled even Spider-Man’s. So Marvel took him from being a scary ass villain and made him a watered down anti-hero. It sold a lot of books, but it took the character’s direction away from him for years and years. Then Mark Millar gave the Venom symbiote to Mac Gargan, the former Scorpion, in his awesome “Marvel Knights Spider-Man” (which I need to go over one day soon). This was a nice change, and it looked like the character was going to be revitalized, but then he got stuck as a bit player in Warren Ellis’ Thunderbolts and Brian Bendis’ Dark Avengers, and nothing of note was ever really done with him.

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Favorite Stories vol 3: The New Fantastic Four

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The New Fantastic Four

One of the first comics I ever got was a collection of the Walter Simonson and Arthur Adams Fantastic Four issues, which are famous for introducing a new Fantastic Four, complete with all of the most popular characters of the 1990’s. The only guy missing was the Punisher, and he ended up having a small cameo at the very end.

A runaway Skrull fugitive crash lands on Earth, and is searching for a specific weapon that will protect her from her Skrull pursuers. So she infiltrates the FF and incapacitates everyone, including Mr. Fantastic, the Invisible Woman, the Human Torch, She-Thing, Alicia Masters, and a human Ben Grimm. She then poses as Susan Richards, and after drugging the FF to appear dead, she summons four of their allies to help her. She gets the Hulk (in his gray ‘Mr. Fixit’ persona), Ghost Rider (the Danny Ketch version), Wolverine, and Spider-Man.

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Top 10 Marvel Events

Over the last few years in particular but really going back all the way to Secret Wars, Marvel has made a habit of telling huge, earth-shattering crossovers. Some are great, and some are… not so great (looking at you Secret Wars II!). However, when they’re good, they’re GOOD. Here is a list of my 10 favorite Marvel events.

 

10. Fear Itself

fear itselfProbably one of the less popular on the list, but you have to admit that Fear Itself really swings for the fences.

The story centers on the return of The Serpent, the Asgardian God of Fear and Odin’s older brother (and by Asgardian law the true All-Father). This dude feeds off of fear, so the more afraid people are in general the stronger he gets. Not such a great combination when you see how he goes about spreading fear.

He is resurrected by the Red Skull (not Schmidt, but his daughter, Sin, the ‘new’ Red Skull), who finds an ancient Asgardian hammer that was created by the Serpent ages ago. When she grabs the hammer she is transformed into an avatar of the Serprent, and gets crazy, Thor level strong. Her awakening frees the Serpent, and a bunch more hammers drop to Earth, and are eventually grabbed by Atuma, the Absorbing Man, Titania, the Grey Gargoyle, the Thing, the Juggernaut, and the fucking Hulk! Each one of them loses their personalities in the hammers and basically do whatever they can to spread fear around the world, mostly by destroying every damn thing in sight.

The Avengers respond, and spread themselves perilously thin to combat the menaces. The Red Hulk is trounced by the Thing; Hawkeye, Spider-Woman, the Protector, and Ms. Marvel BARELY survive the Hulk, and just manage to save some people from him before he jumps away; the Grey Gargoyle turns every person in Paris into a statue and beats the holy living shit out of Iron Man; Titania and the Absorbing Man throw down with War Machine, Iron First, and the Immortal Weapons; Dr. Strange and Namor confront Atuma; and the X-Men are only able to ‘defeat’ the Juggernaut when Colossus agrees to become the new Juggernaut when he meets the demon Cytorrak (who grants the Juggernaut his powers pre-hammer)! Finally the Red Skull leads and army of her Hydra bastards to Washington, DC where they lay siege to the city, and she claims her greatest victory when she stabs Captain America (at the time Bucky Barnes) through the chest!

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Poor Bucky just can’t stop ‘dying’.

The destruction they cause spreads panic and fear everywhere, especially when Avengers Tower falls. This makes the Serpent strong and young again, and he basically takes over the Earth.

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