Tag Archives: Superman

The Superman Movies! (part one)

Posted by ErikSlader on

Superman 1978

The first, and greatest, super hero, Superman has had a rather mixed bag when it comes to adaptations of his comic book adventures. There have been numerous television shows, radio serials, animated series, animated movies, video games, and live action movies, more of which were either just ok or straight up more bad than good.

Superman actorsWhat is it about the big, blue boy scout that leads to so much crap?

You would think the elements that have been in place for 75 years now would be easy to adapt to the big screen, or the small screen. It’s not like there aren’t literally hundreds of pre-made stories in his publication history that are begging to be filmed and thrown on the screen, yet time and time again people think they can ‘improve’ upon the man of steel and his epically large library of awesomeness, and time and time again they fail miserably.

That’s not to say there haven’t been some success stories… “Superman: The Movie” was a high point, as were the Bruce Timm animated series and his representation in that same universe’s “Justice League” and “Justice League Unlimited”, as well as a handful of direct to DVD animated movies that did well. Zack Snyder’s “Man of Steel” may have divided some fans on its quality, but both Erik and I will go to our graves defending it.

Man of Steel

But for each of those, there are Superman 3, Superman Returns, Lois and Clark, most seasons of Smallville and the dreaded Superman 64! It’s curious. And as bad as those are, you wouldn’t believe some of the utter shit that almost got made. (6 Terrible Superman movies, you won’t believe almost happened!)

For now, just to keep things relatively simple Erik and I are skipping 1951’s “Superman vs the Mole Men” and are only going to discuss the live action feature films, starting with…

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WTF Moments 38

Posted by comiczombie on

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‘The cat’s meow’? ‘Kryptonite catnip’???

‘Wow-wow-wowwww’?!?!?!

What in the actual fuck is happening??

And to the limey going “Ow’d ‘e shake off the effect of the gas? It’s supposed to work for hours! Pip pip cheerio!” , I’d say whatever the hell kind of gas  you gave ol’ Supes is working pretty damn well. Maybe not he way you intended, but it has him wearing a shitty cat outfit, somehow ‘Spider-Man’ing a pole, and playing what looks like the ukulele for a live audience while making (and I’m putting this kindly) a humungous asshole out of himself. Lex Luthor would be proud, but he topped you by stealing 40 cakes.

The Greatest/Worst WTF Ever

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There have been a lot (A LOT) of ‘what the fuck??!?’ moments in comic book history, especially when it comes to the super heroes of Marvel and DC Comics. But there is one project that, from top to bottom, just makes you want to scream it from the rooftops. No, I’m not talking about Final Crisis, or One More Day, or even Zero Hour or Heroes Reborn.

I’m talking about Amalgam.

SIGH

SIGH

Yeah, we’re going there.

In the late 1990’s Marvel and DC were hurting. The speculator boom of the early part of the decade caused the industry to collapse on itself, and both companies were scrambling for direction and for ways to bring their lapsed readers back, not to mention brining new readers in. They resorted to some really bad crossovers, notably Marvel VS DC, which saw fights like Flash vs Quicksilver, Green Lantern vs Silver Surfer, Lobo vs Wolverine (sort of), Batman vs Captain America, and others. To say it sucked is an insult to all things that suck.

wtf

But they weren’t done.

On the heels of that they unleashed the Amalgam universe, which was presented by both companies (neither of you get a pass!) and featured combinations of their characters, so you had Batman and Wolverine combined to make the ridiculous “Dark Claw”, and other nonsense.

I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do is suck!

I’m the best there is at what I do, and what I do is suck!

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WTF Moments 27

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WHAT?!?!

WHAT?!?!

OK, so I know a lot of these have been from Silver Age Superman, but I make no apologies, because here we see that Superman has developed a new power:

HE CAN CREATE A TINY VERSION OF HIMSELF THAT HE SHOOTS FROM HIS HANDS.

……

……….

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

And…. wait…. do you see that building in the background? I think the text on it is supposed to be a news ticker, like they used to have in Times Square, but it looks like it’s just on the building… wouldn’t it be amazing if it was like the name of the company?

“Giant Guided Missile Plummeting Towards Eiffel Tower Cupcakes, Inc”

I love how it’s a ‘giant’ guided missile. And why is it plummeting? If it’s a missile it shouldn’t plummet, especially if it’s guided…

WTF Moments 25

Posted by comiczombie on

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What in the fuck?

I love Lois reaction:

“Oh no… NO! You’ve become a BEAST!”

I also love how he is more worried about her going to a play (a PLAY!?!) with him than the fact that he’s turned into a goddamn lion, but hey, who am I to judge?

And what is Jimmy doing? Oh, I’m sorry, Jim, is the fact that I’ve turned into a FUCKING LION boring you?!?! Here, give me your signal watch. I’m going to beat you to death with it.

WTF Moments 20

Posted by comiczombie on

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What the….?

I have so many questions! Why is Jimmy Olsen dressed like Tarzan? Why is Superman a ‘local witch doctor’? How did he become a ‘local witch doctor’? Does it matter that he’s local? What is he brewing? Why is he making Jimmy marry a really pissed off looking ape? Why is the ape so pissed off? What the hell is that headdress Superman is wearing?

Just what in the fuck is going on here?!?!

Top 15 Alternate/Possible Marvel/DC Realities

Posted by comiczombie on

 

One thing super hero comics seem to do very well is to depict alternate realities and alternate versions of their characters. Wonder what would happen if the X-Men failed to stop the advancement of Sentinel technology, or if Apocalypse succeeded in taking over the world? There are stories you can read for that. Want to know one of the possible futures for the Hulk, or Superman? There’s stories for that, too. Dating back to X-Men: Days of Future Past (which even predates the Terminator films!), comics have continuously used the possible future outcomes as a way of depicting the stakes for our heroes if they lose, and as a way to show how one change in the timeline, no matter how seemingly small, can cause massive ripples in what we think of as reality.

They are also used as a way to show your favorite characters in new situations and surroundings without messing with the core character and material, a la the Age of Apocalypse.

Here are my picks for the 15 best alternate realities/timelines from Marvel and DC comics:

 

15. Teen Titans: The Future Is Now

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Geoff Johns is the most accomplished, and probably most popular, writer for DC Comics. He is well known for titles like Action Comics, the Flash, Green Lantern, JLA, JSA, 52, Infinite Crisis, Forever Evil, and Flashpoint. But the title that typically slips between the cracks is his awesome run on Teen Titans, and the best arc was “The Future is Now”.

After teaming up with the Legion of Super Heroes, the Titans are trying to get back to their own time, but arrive a few years later than they would have liked. They try to go back to their HQ, but are surprised to find that it is occupied by the Justice League, which is made up of adult versions of themselves!

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The Not-So Great Debate vol 3- Lex Luthor v Dr. Doom

Posted by comiczombie on

Here we go again…

Dr. Doom vs Lex Luthor

Both Marvel and DC Comics are chock-full of twisted, evil, monstrous villains. Some are unbeatable killing machines, some are twisted serial killers, some are mad scientists, some freaks of nature, and some are cosmic level baddasses. But each company has one dude that is kind of all of those things, and then some. For DC Comics it is undoubtedly Lex Luthor; Superman’s greatest foe, one of the richest and smartest men in the world, completely ruthless, and utterly brilliant, he routinely goes up against Superman AND the Justice League and still lives to tell about it. For Marvel, it has to be Victor Von Doom; one of the smartest men on the planet, has his own kingdom, and has the 2nd most badass suit of armor in the world (behind Iron Man) and is the 2nd most powerful sorcerer in the world (behind Dr. Strange), he routinely goes up against the likes of the Avengers, Iron Man, Dr. Strange, and of course the Fantastic Four, and the dude is still standing strong.

Both are total, unquestionable badasses, but which one is better? Is it Luthor, with his chrome dome head, xenophobia, and suit of armor with the Simon (from Milton Bradley!) chest plate? Or is it Dr. Doom, with his gross face and his penchant for being beaten up by a walking, talking pile of rocks? Let’s begin!

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6 Terrible Superman Movies That You Won’t Believe Almost Happened!

Posted by ErikSlader on

In a world where a Comic-Book-based-Super-Hero-franchises are guaranteed blockbusters, with films like “The Dark Knight”, or “The Avengers” raking in over a billion effin’ dollars in real-life (non-Monopoly) money, it’s a little disconcerting that Superman (the original super hero – circa 1938) only recently got a decent film (with the exception of the 1978 classic) – with last year’s “Man of Steel” – a total reboot (starring Henry Cavill) from the dude who brought us that CGI-fest loosely based on the Battle of Thermopylae (Zack Snyder).

"Man of Steel" (2013)

Suffice it to say Superman movies until know have gotten a bad rep. With the exception of most of the animated movies, Superman movies have had a tendency to suck like a Hoover vacuum cleaner in a black hole. And why is that you ask? Well, although it is challenging to do a Superman movie justice (pun-intended), the reason they keep failing has nothing to do with the character (s) / story / mythology seeing as so many other super-powered champions have followed in his boot-prints since over the last 75 years of comic history, and most of them have ripped off of Superman in one or several ways with unique twists (i.e. Batman, Spider-man, Iron Man, etc).

Some say it’s a curse, others say it’s his cheesy old-fashioned sense of morality, while angry Internet trolls pollute message boards arguing about his trademark red super-speedos, but I say it’s the result of lazy writing, greedy producers who don’t understand the character, and directors who are unwilling to delve into the actual source material. The result: 30 + years of Gene Hackman’s “Lex Luthor” as an evil real estate agent.

Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor in Superman II

Out of all the terrible Superman movies we’ve had to endure over the last couple decades, here are 5 that we should be thankful never made it to the silver screen, because they somehow managed to be even worse than what actually did make it to a theater near you. It’s unbelievable how bad these scripts were and unfathomable that they made it so far into production…

(Barf bags at the ready?)

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